Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Realism - to see things for what they truly are.
Truly - how things are without anyone touching it or thinking about it.
Realism: 1 day = 24 hours = 1440 minutes = 86400 seconds.
That's the amount of time I have in one day to do whatever I want.
I choose to identify responsibilities and tasks and allot my time for that.
I choose to accept my humanness and allot 6-7 hours to (refer to conversion) to sleep.
I choose to pretend that I am busy when really, I procrasinate and think activities like going online or reading or watching episodes on Hulu or walking or running or staring into space and pondering isn't going to take another 6 hours.
Truly: Time is a free and mandatory resource, a dimension, a measurement.
Realism: Time can be a friend. or an enemy. Right now, it's a frenemy. It's ok, but our relationship is sehr tiring. So much drama on my part. Time is really impartial to it all, which frustrates me. Why can't it slow down and wait for me? Why can't it catch up to my thoughts and ambitions? Why doesn't it care about me?
Realism: I am talking to myself. Time is far, far away, where everyone else can feel it.
[WARNING: Reading this might make you feel bad or worse or better... risk's yours to take.]
What is this horrible feeling that is coming over me? Stress, then anxiety, then shortness of breath followed by instinctive forcing of long heaps of inhales and exhales, then frustration, then backtrack in memory to what could've gone better throughout my application process, then the background congratulations to everyone else who's been accepted to their respective schools, then the visualization that I won't get into mine, then the room spinning, then the self-comforting that I'll end up somewhere where I will be happy in the end, then the selfish counter that I really want to get in, then tiredness of the whole business and emersion into deep denial of the whole situation actually happening.
"WHEN are you going to find out?"
"Oh my gosh, you applied early too? I heard like 11 applied there."
"If you don't get in, it just wasn't the right place for you."
"You'll be okay." "Wow, that's incredibly hard to get into."
"Good luck! Tell me when you find out." "Ooh, 4 more days..."
"I can’t tell you not to worry, to relax, because whether you’re on the 'excited' side of things, or the 'freaking out' end - that's just unrealistic. " "Colleges shouldn't have the power to break hearts...:/
Good news or bad news, it doesn't change the fact that to me, you'll all always be amazing. ♥" "Hey, just think, in a couple weeks, it'll all be over..."
Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.
But then at the end of this cyclical madness of the mind, I reach my 10-second epiphany where I realize that whatever happens, it's been decided already. Time is a dimension, but somewhere, it's already been done. Somewhere, I know if I got in or didn't get in. And hopefully, if I get in, it doesn't change too much. Hopefully, I won't get narcissistic or incredibly self-commending or ignorant of other people and unfaithful.
But hopefully, if I don't get in, I shouldn't get really upset as if I expected a different outcome, or incredibly self-deprecating or greenly-envious of other people and unfaithful.
Please, whatever happens, the decision someone else makes should not affect the peace of mind I have. Peace is independent of outside forces.
Peace is faith in God.
That felt good. Deep breath, deep breath, slowly return to normal.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
as the days start to shorten and the nights start to swallow up our energy.
One of my friends was talking about a short story we read in 6th grade and it made my day that she had brought it up. I had forgotten all about it these years... why would they include that story in a 6th grade curriculum? It means so much more than we would consider it for when we were just 11.
The story: All Summer in a Day by Ray Bradbury.
- "I think the sun is a flower,
- That blooms for just one hour."
And my favorite passage:
In the midst of their running one of the girls wailed.
The girl, standing in the open, held out her hand.
"Oh, look, look," she said, trembling.
They came slowly to look at her opened palm.
In the center of it, cupped and huge, was a single raindrop.
She began to cry, looking at it.
They glanced quietly at the sky.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
that let me tinker with breadboards
and learn python
and apply matrices to real-life scenarios,
all of which I found tremendously useful in deciding what to focus on in the future.
Engineering, one of the teachers said, was basically made up of design and creation.
If that's the case, sign me up.